Are you feeling a little unsatisfied in the bedroom?
Obviously I mean unsatisfied with your guitar ability, since I’m certain you do most of your practicing in your bedroom. Weenie.
Do you practice dumb nonsensical exercises into the wee hours of the morning, even on weekends?
Sucks, doesn’t it? But until you’re a good guitar player, it’s got to be done.
Or does it?
You don’t suck. Probably.
When I was first returning to guitar, my endless listless e-scouring brought me to the Tom Hess website, where I surprisingly found some profoundly good advice amongst the message that a musician’s only real future is in teaching group lessons and getting paid to hold youth jam sessions. But I digress.
One of his requirements for becoming a good guitar player was to acknowledge that as unsatisfied as we are with our current playing ability (which I totally was), we need to recognize that we are all really great guitar players. Yes, even you.
It turns out that our hours spent on our instrument have not been in vain. As much as you hate to admit it, as unsatisfied as you are with your playing ability, you still have a repertoire.
A repertoire?
Check the Repertoire
Let’s call your repertoire every riff you can already play. Even the ones you haven’t played yet, but if someone put the PowerTab in front on you, you could handle it no problem. Think about what bands it might encompass. For me, it’s the entire AC DC radio discography, and most of the Led Zeppelin radio singles, among other things.
Whether or not you choose to admit it, there are a phenomenal number of things you likely can already play. Moreover, your repertoire only exists because of that all-around huge time investment you have already put into learning your instrument.
Then why are we all so dissatisfied?
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
For the sake of making life less boring, and fixing all the world’s problems, let’s say there are four types of musicians: non-player, bad, apprentice, and master.
Let’s take an exercise as an example. This is my take on Chris Buono of Truefire.com‘s Dimebag Darrell riff from his 50 Metal Licks You MUST Know video series. It’s a nice mix of Dorian and Blues identity notes. Here’s his video:
Here’s the way I like to play it, because imperfect synthesis is creativity, and I don’t really think a few spray bends count as part of a “lick” worth memorizing. This is my natural picking pattern, which is a mix of alternate and economy picking. If I close my eyes and play as fast as I can, this is what comes out.
- What an odd picking pattern
Do you stink?
If you are a non-player, you cannot play this at all. Your fingers just cannot do it. Not only that, but you probably can’t read the tab fast enough, or even at all. What a waste of all our time.
If you are a bad guitar player, playing this piece will cause physical injury to anyone within earshot. That goes for any instrument, piano, harp, or harpsichord. Most likely you are deaf, and cannot hear the pain you are causing. Intentionally making ears bleed doesn’t count; it’s part of good showmanship, bitch.
- The infliction of physical pain
If you are an apprentice, either you can play this example at a slower speed, or you can definitely play this. Even if you can only play this at a slower speed, there is a good chance that if you played the example at the slower tempo for a non-player, they would think you had played it perfectly and were a fantastic guitar player. Only you would know the truth.
If you are a master, you will ask why bother? Because of course there are so many better ways to play these notes, and more interesting & challenging picking patterns (alternate picking, all legato, left handed, etc.). I mean, obviously.
- Michael Angelo Batio is wondering why you must bore him so
So what are you? Unless you’re Tom Hess googling himself…
Apprenticeship
Face it, no matter how many times you have told yourself that you are a bad musician, a bad, I don’t know, widget salesman, or woodworker, or basket weaver, or anything, you are not a bad that; you are just at an apprentice level.
Are you causing physical injury by the act of engaging in your recreation? No.
What’s so bad about being at an apprentice level? Do you have the time investment of someone who engaged in long-term schooling or professional practice on a daily basis? No. And face it, that’s what’s necessary to truly master something.
But in the meantime, that doesn’t make you bad at it.
Just delusional, and in denial about your own skill level.
Way to go, jerk.
